When armageddon in the UK strikes zombies always suffer at the hands of man
Well this must stop
Zombies get a bad press
This is a picture of Neilonion the ancient mythycal zombie warrior god revered and worshiped by all zombies.
Legend has it Neilonion led a great zombie army to the city of Birmingham shortly after Armageddon where zombies were suffering insurmountable amounts of abuse by humans and liberated the zombies from this evil destroying the cruel human civilisation that resided in Birmingham at that time
Let that be a warning to all humans who wish to show cruelty to zombies
The only thing I can't understand is how on earth he found his way around Spaghetti Junction and onto the A38 to find Birmingham city centre I never could
Sadly although the battle of Birmingham was a great victory for zombies Nielonion's right hand man Omarcles pictured below was cornered by a group of vicious zombie hating human thugs and murdered in a chip shop in Winson Green
Its hard to believe shocking scenes such as this are taking place in the UK.
Oh and by the way by the look of it this chap should be allowed to visit the dentist
If you have any stories of ill treatment and cruelty to zombies email them to me with pictures if you have any but not essential and I will publish them.
Zombie A's Story
Sent in by MR X Shropsire.
Known as Mr X for fear of reprisals from members of one of the numerous zombie torture groups and associations
Little is known about this female zombie. We will call her Emily, It is believed she was kidnapped from a barn on the outskirts of Bridgenorth where a kindly farmer houses lost and lonely zombies. It is thought she was taken by a ring of hardened Walking Dead Fans.
Mr X found this diabolical photo in woodland near Telford. It was near the remnants of a fire and from what he could see many more photos and video tapes had been destroyed in the fire. He believes it was an attempt to destroy evidence of their disgusting acts of cruelty to Emily.
It is not known what has become of Emily but if the torture rings are true to form she will be dead and probably burried in the same woods as the photo was found
Personally I believe the locals would have thought when the gang were burning the photos it was just some of the many gas and electricity consumers in the area trying to keep warm cheaply because of the sky high utility bills not a zombie torture gang destroying evidence
Zombie B's Story
This Story was sent in to me by Mr H Potter of Alnwick Castle Northumberland.
He tells me there is a certain bar in Morpeth Northumberland where zombies are kept to entertain beasts who enjoy seeing zombies suffer. He also tells me on the first Monday in every month there is a auction where zombies are sold to the highest bidder very often vicious zombie torture groups.
This photo was believed to have been taken on one of the said Mondays. Again as very often this female zombie, Zombie B is totally unknown lets call her Julie. We think she is been made to look sexy to attract a higher price which of course is disgraceful. We do not know who purchased her or where she was taken her fate is totally unknown.
It is also rumored that not only do the zombie torture gangs who attend these auctions but so do the electricity companies who buy the zombies then transport them to remote parts of Northumberland and force them to produce electricity using pedal power and then tell us its wind power this is worrying if it is true.
Mr Potter also told me his Hog had warts and did I know how to cure this, I did find this odd as it is totally unrelated to zombies but if there are any kindly vets out there who can help with Mr Potters problem please email me
Zombies living normal lives in Britain
And for anyone who does not believe zombies can live a normal life doing normal things I caught three Zombies at Manchester Piccadilly Station platform 14 as I was playing around with my phone as I sat on a train waiting to depart for North Wales. This was a Monday morning in July 2013 they all look clean, tidy and one looks like a businessman in a suit and tie.
Ask yourself would you spot a Zombie if you were sat on a train on the same platform waiting to go to Blackpool. I probably wouldn't unless I was playing with my phone.
But this picture proves zombies live a normal and fulfilling life.
I would dare anyone to argue with that
Yet another story of zombies living happily in the UK.
The Graves Family from Braintree Essex
This story was sent in by zombie Michelle Graves of Braintree she wished to demonstrate her family are perfectly decent honest hardworking salt of the earth charecters
Meet Mick Graves Michelle's ever loving husband and the greatest dad in the world who works as a mechanic
Then the great lady Michelle herself she has a part time job as a dinner lady at a local school and is a loyal housewife responsible for bringing up two kids
The son Nathen doing really well at school. His ambition is to be a top class footballer or failing that to work at the local abattoir
The daughter Chelsea a fine and upstanding young lady who wishes to be a ballerina or failing that has strong desires to work in a butchers shop
And finally meet Knasher the family's pet dog. Michelle says the sword in the head was placed there by who she believes is a group of Evil Dead fans from Chelmsford while she was out walking him in the local park. She says she was lucky to escape with hers and knashers life given the hate shown by the gang (why wiil they not leave zombies to get on with their lives ). Anyway shes says look at Knasher despite the horrific cruelty shown by these thugs knasher is still happy and just wants to play
Well cared for and Loved Zombies
Despite shocking stories of cruelty to zombies in the UK there are also tales of great kindness and love shown to them as well which need to be told
If you have any tell email with pictures if you have any but not essential and I will tell your story
Sent in by Caroline of Slough Berkshire
Jake came to the UK two years ago from the United States where by all accounts cruelty to zombies has been turned into something of a national sport
YES DONT THINK WE CANT SEE THE WALKING DEAD IN THE UK
For anyone who is still innocent enough not to know this is an American television show that actively promotes cruelty to zombies and personally I think is disgraceful and should be banned
Anyway after a very much tormented life in the United States he saw the British film
SHAUN OF THE DEAD
and realised zombies were much less tormented in the UK.
He smuggled himself onto a flight to Britain by hiding in the landing gear. He fell out on the runway as the plane landed at Heathrow.
Well this is where Caroline steps in after a hard day plane spotting she spotted Jake wondering aimlessly and lost around the airport perimeter.
Been the kind hearted lady she is she took Jake home and as we can see is living happily and safely in Caroliines house in Slough.
She says the only problem she has is sometimes when he gets hungry he gets a little exciteable but she solves the problem by showing the love heart in the pic we can see and he soon settles down.
Their one other worry was Jake been an ilegal immigrant in the Uk but upon making enquiries at the Home Office was told the best way to avoid extradition was to stand for election and become a Member of Parliament there he would not be noticed as the place is full of zombies.
Jake is still considering this option but is very unsure as he does not want to be considered as a liar or a crook
A story sent to me by a kindly zombie obviously with no geographical knowledge as there is no location but somewhere in the Uk.
In my experience many zombies have no sense of direction but this is made up for by their sense of smell
That's me , zombiesuperman and I was found by a nice family who took me and made me feel like part of the family , I only eat dog and cat now I'd never eat any of the joneses .
This is heartwarming straight from the mouth of a zombie.
What more proof does anyone need to show zombies are caring